Fulfillment - From Unknown to Knowing Self

Introduction:

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you obtained what you desired, yet still felt a sense of incompleteness? Have you experienced receiving compliments from others but still feeling unsettled? If you can relate to these experiences, the following content will help you understand the underlying dynamics at play.

The Two Selves:

Let's consider that there are two aspects of our being: the Inner Self and the Outer Self. The Outer Self is the part of us that interacts with the physical world through our senses of touch, sight, smell, sound, and taste. It seeks fulfillment through external experiences, outcomes, and solutions, with the aim of pleasing the mind. For example, when we visit a burger joint to satisfy a specific craving, it is our Outer Self that seeks fulfillment. Similarly, when we go shopping and purchase an item because of a heavy discount, it is our Outer Self driven by the desire for a good deal.

In contrast, the Inner Self relies on the essence and intent of our actions. It is the aspect of ourselves that we experience from within, driven by the nourishment of the heart. For instance, when we buy a car, the intention of having something spacious represents the desires of our Inner Self. Another example is when we shop for clothes to feel competent or outgoing, it is our Inner Self seeking those qualities.

The Illusion of Outer Self Fulfillment:

We often believe that fulfilling our Outer Self is the key to experiencing fulfillment. We are conditioned to believe that by acquiring external stimuli such as gifts, rewards, outcomes, and goals, we will find contentment. However, this approach fails to align with the true nature of our existence. In reality, our fulfillment flows from an inward-to-outward process, where the Inner Self is fulfilled, leading to the fulfillment of the Outer Self.

An Illustrative Example:

To illustrate this concept, consider the story of a woman who went to a shoe shop to buy a specific pair of shoes. She knew precisely what she wanted in terms of shape, color, and size. She explained her requirements to the salesperson, who proceeded to show her various shoe models that matched her specifications. After trying several options, she found one that she thought was suitable. However, when she asked about the price, she was taken aback because it exceeded her expectations in relation to the quality of the shoe.

At this point, the woman faced a dilemma. Her Outer Self, driven by the desire for the specific shoe based on external factors, wanted to make the purchase. On the other hand, her Inner Self, valuing quality over price, was hesitant. She struggled to find the courage to say no to the salesperson, as she didn't want to dismiss their efforts in assisting her. Her Inner Self sought support and guidance, much like a child seeking help from their parents or a spouse seeking help from their partner.

Eventually, she succumbed to external pressures and bought the shoes, effectively silencing her Inner Self. By doing so, she conveyed the message that saying no was not important. Ignoring her Inner Self's plea was akin to ignoring or dismissing the needs of a child or a spouse. As a consequence, her Inner Self felt hurt and became more reserved and hesitant in similar situations. In the future, she would struggle to say no to others, as it had become an unconscious behavior.

The Unfulfilled Result:

The next day, she wore her new shoes to the office. Although she was not entirely comfortable, she felt happy about her purchase. Throughout the day, she received a mix of compliments and indifference regarding her shoes. When praised, she experienced fleeting happiness. However, when people inquired about the price and she felt unsettled, she began to feel guilty. She even downplayed the actual price when discussing it with others.

Ultimately, she was not at ease with her new shoes. The discomfort and lack of fulfillment she experienced did not stem from the shoe's features or its price but rather from her inability to stand up for her Inner Self and say no to the transaction. She felt guilty not because she went unnoticed, but because she had acquired something that did not meet her true expectations.

The Path to True Fulfillment:

To achieve genuine fulfillment, it is vital to cultivate mindfulness and recognize the needs of your Inner Self whenever you seek external or physical wants and needs. By prioritizing the nourishment of your Inner Self, you will embark on a journey of life-enhancing growth, both internally and externally.